Some fascinating research at Stanford University has found that our attitude to stress is a huge determining factor in how harmful stress is to our health, happiness and productivity at work over time.

In a nutshell, if we avoid stress and think it’s bad for us then, when we inevitably go through stressful events, it will take a much bigger toll than if we view stress as okay or an opportunity.

But, I hear you say, with all this talk about mindfulness-based stress-reduction, how can you now tell us that we should go for it: stress out to the max and as long as we think it’s okay, there will be no downsides?!

Well, there are two central concepts in mindfulness that help explain the Stanford research findings:

1. ACCEPTANCE

When we avoid something we don’t like, it just gets worse (or stronger, bigger etc) so the best approach is to accept it. It’s a paradox, but this is how to defuse the power of something we don’t like. This is why mindfulness practice helps people with chronic pain – the pain tends to ease up once the person relaxes around it and accepts it.

2. BE AWARE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO STRESS

Our reactions to everything that happens in our life are based on our past experience and our beliefs. That explains why two people can have a very different reaction to the same event. When a difficult event happens, if we are aware of and in charge of our emotions and reactions, then we can choose a wiser reaction and choose to be less affected by the event. If we react consciously like this, then we don’t let the stress become ongoing and chronic. In short, we bounce back faster. This is easier to do if you are more comfortable with experiencing stress in the first place.

As the Stanford researchers found, viewing stress as harmful led people to react to it in negative ways such as getting drunk, procrastinating to avoid stress, or imagining worst-case scenarios.

“One study found that simply having the goal to avoid stress increased the long-term risk of outcomes like depression, divorce and getting fired, by increasing people’s reliance on harmful coping strategies.”

Viewing stress positively, on the other hand, helps people to cope in ways that help them thrive such as tackling the source of stress, seeking social support or finding meaning in it, they said.  

So it’s actually more important to try to make friends with the challenges and difficulties, than to try to find a way to avoid or change them.

For example, many people find public speaking nerve-wracking. A client of mine, Gerard, told me he had such a fear of public speaking that he avoided it as much as he could, which had restricted his career advancement as a management consultant. He believed he was a bad public speaker, was not charismatic and, if only he was a better speaker, he wouldn’t be so fearful. The irony of course is that if he was able to make friends with both his fear and the actual task of public speaking, he would be an infinitely better speaker. The fear was a much bigger issue than his actual knowledge or speaking skills. I advised Gerard to try to welcome the nerves that arose when he had to stand up and speak – to see that the adrenalin was actually helping him to be energised and to perform better.

I don’t mean that you should necessarily welcome the stress that arises from a nasty boss or the exhaustion of a 60-hour work week in a job that’s meant to be 40 hours. You should do what you can to change things for the better, or even move on when a work situation becomes untenable.

But it’s worth considering that, if you were able to change your perception of a stressful event or issue, you could really cut your ongoing stress levels right down.

Here’s how you can learn to embrace stress in order to be less stressed in the long run:

1. Each time you go through a stressful event, remind yourself that this is helping you get better at coping with stress – so next time will be easier (and less stressful).
2. See that performance stress (such as at work or when public speaking) is an adrenalin rush that is actually helping you do your job better in that moment.
3. Look for the meaning in the stressful event. For example, how you have learnt from it or grown as a person, or improved your skills.
4. Recognise that everyone goes through stress – it’s a fact of life – and you are not necessarily unique or suffering worse than others.
5. Get it off your chest – talk it through with willing friends, family or colleagues as a way to let go of your stress and put it into perspective.

There’s a wonderful TED talk by Kelly McGonigal all about this research here – I highly recommend watching it!